He Speaks

He speaks. Even through things like TV programmes.

I really wanted to watch The Princess' Man. I thought it'd still be showing these few days but I checked and checked it wasn't showing anytime these few days. and I was so so disappointed.

Then I checked agn just now and its showing on 1st Jan! I suppose its resuming or something,but im so glad and thankful!! Thank you God for showing me I can and should trust in you. Thank you for knowing my heart... These Korean dramas seem to be important to me. please help me control myself so that You will be my only God and they wont be my idols and affect me so much. Thank you thankyouthankyou <3

The Messenger

Today, God spoke to me through this bible passage.

The Birth of Jesus Foretold

26 In the sixth month of Elizabeth’s pregnancy, God sent the angel Gabriel to Nazareth, a town in Galilee, 27 to a virgin pledged to be married to a man named Joseph, a descendant of David. The virgin’s name was Mary. 28 The angel went to her and said, “Greetings, you who are highly favored! The Lord is with you.”

29 Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. 30 But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God. 31 You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus. 32 He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, 33 and he will reign over Jacob’s descendants forever; his kingdom will never end.”

People always ask us to imagine what if we are Mary, how we will feel. Then, God gave me this thought, in this passage, 3 main names were mentioned : Gabriel, Joseph, Mary. and what if im Gabriel? would i be afraid if mary will reject the message i carry to her? will i be paiseh?

then i realised that its never about me, its about God and the receiver. even if mary rejected the message, it would be between God and her, not me. 

So help me Lord to be a bold and relaxed (less pressurised) messenger for You, i really need you and i really still have a lot to learn please guide me. in Jesus name i pray Amen.

*Thank God ah gui uncle's IC can apply with the help of so many kind-hearted lawyers, may God bless them aye!

 :)))

Yay

Praise the Lord for giving me a heartfelt purpose to study for His glory! Now I know what I am studying for :))

Office Politics

Yesterday, my dear mother shared with me about her clash with a collegue like 2 days ago. I was shocked as she was, how an unfiltered sentence can cause immediate rage in someone whom she thought was close to her and wouldn't take it to heart.

It was just a question my mom asked, inquiring why is the collegue getting awarded and not another teacher. And the collegue just lost it.

So I listened to my mom pouring her heart to me. And so I prayed for her to God. And I believe this is what God wants her to do.

"A gentle answer turns away wrath" so the bible goes.
Say I'm my mom. I'd write a letter to the collegue explaining what really went through my mind when I asked her that question and my true intent and how taken aback I was on the collegue's response. I'd say I'm really sorry for my direct and harsh approach which might really have hurted the collegue. I didn't mean it and I am sorry. I really cherish this friendship and hope the collegue will forgive me.
The letter could be short but every word must be honest. I'd prefer writing it to show my sincerity. Whether the collegue accept my apology or not, at least I told the collegue everything that happened and gave my confession. When I look back, I know I have done everything I could to save our friendship and my conscience is clear plus I think I did what Jesus would have done.

I learnt a line from "The Good Wife" when Alicia Florrick wants to make up with Kalinda.
She said to Kalinda, "I don't think things could go back to the way they were before, but I could try. But I can't be the only one forthcoming, everything has to be on the table. Can you do that?"
It takes two hands to clap. But things you sow now, may reap a harvest in the future only God can see.

 I hope we could do things the way Jesus did and is still doing. He washed the feet of his sinful disciples. He died for us when we are still sinning against Him to save the relationship between God and man. For us.


Where I Belong- Building 429

Sometimes it feels like I'm watching from the outside
Sometimes it feels like I'm breathing but am I alive
I won't keep searching for answers that aren't here to find

All I know is I'm not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong

"For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway."
-Mother Teresa.

:') Smiles darlings.

happy ^^

am very happy today. Thank God He is good and His love endures forever. <3

Awakened

I got 49% for chemistry, 59% for maths, 51% for PA, and 93% for biology last trial exam, praise God.
I told my former teacher(who believes Form 6 isn't really that hard) about my results, and she said,

"To be honest, that is quite some distance from getting As."

Of course, I agreed but I was suddenly awakened from my complacency.

I was quite obsessed with me topping almost all the subjects in the science stream( its like only about 20 students hahaha) though I tried to be modest.
Then, I realized the fact that I got mostly Bs and Cs is more important than the outwardly "2nd position".

Thanks to God, and thanks to my honest teacher, I am quite driven to study again. XD

please help me to glorify you in my studies Lord!

Hey, You knew

Today, we were talking in class and a guy classmate pass a comment as a joke. He said people wont wanna drug me because they still have eyes. I know its a joke but it still hurt. I guess when some belief in you is still fragile, it will just shake so shakily when someone touched it. If you know what I mean.

After school, I chatted with my mom and I remember something the speaker said in his sermon yesterday, so I asked my mom. So she said, Karen Carpenter was a great singer but when someone said she was fat, she started not eating or eating just a bit. Eventually, she died of hunger.

And just now, the message from "God wants you to know" apps for me is this:

"Today, Faye, we believe God wants you to know that ...

you are beautiful.

Mirrors are fickle, a play of light and shadow. The only true mirror is within yourself. Clear your mind of doubt and prejudice, and you will see yourself as God sees you - beautiful."

 

If God isn't speaking to me, then I don't know what's that.

Never let anyone tear you down with one careless word.

God thinks you are precious, beautiful, no matter what others think.

He loves you.

 

My whole life
I place in your hands
God of Mercy
Humbled I bow down
In your presence at your throne

I called you answered
And you came to my rescue and I
I wanna be where you are

-"Came To my Rescue" Hillsongs

 

What God can do through songs

I felt so refreshed after listening to Glorious Ruins by Hillsong. Feel that I have the strength and zeal to study again..

I'll walk through the fire
With my head lifted high
And my spirit revived in Your story
And I'll look to the cross
As my failure is lost
In the light of Your glorious grace

Let the ruins come to life
In the beauty of Your Name
Rising up from the ashes
God forever You reign

And my soul will find refuge
In the shadow of Your wings
I will love You forever
And forever I'll sing

Pretty Day

Its a pretty day today. Thank God tomorrow is a holiday. It's baptism tomorrow with church members. I pray everything will go well Lord, the weather and people and all. :)Thanks.

Really

Really, I can't make people feel at ease around me if I am not at ease with myself.
I can't love if I don't believe God loves me that much that He had the best for me.
And I can't say people are beautiful unless I think God thinks me that way too.

I am So Blest!

God is so so so gracious to me. It never really comes to your mind until you count your blessings really.

Though I may not be as pretty as other girls, but God made me this tall (which is pretty unique), and complete and beautiful in His eyes! And I really thank God so much that He gave me a loving family who loves Him! It means so much as when we grow up we experience the effort by our parents to put God first and it just feel so pure and safe and irreplaceable though we do often fail. Sometimes I think having a rich family will really be great but without the God-centeredness, something will just be lacking. God also granted me wisdom and smartness of which I am a steward, to study and do well in examinations, and I truly had experienced Him in exams too! and today daddy brought back a box of elegant, beautifully designed chocolates or eclairs which is a complimentary gift from a hotel. and I love chocolates!!!
Next, God gave us really warm, encouraging and helpful church members who are so close to us, they are like our family here already. Plus the funny and nice friends I have in Form 6 to make me laugh when the tough gets going in class. And such a wonderful popo who help around so much in our house that I really feel ashamed sometimes. and the list goes on.....

It such a beautiful and awesome combination of blessings God poured into my lap over the years. I couldn't believe that I am so moody and down at times. O God, You are great, Your name is great and help me never stop falling in love with You, even if You give and take away the amazing things you put into my life. You are the source of love, joy, peace, kindness and everything good, please overwhelm and overflow my inmost being with them and most of all You, that I will experience the sweetest joy of just being with You. May I let all this beautiful things You put into my life just tumble over to others around me that they will too be delighted in You Lord. Please help me and teach me to be willing to let things go when its Your desire for me to do so. Help me love you more than just for the sake of the blessings. Thank you for giving your precious life for me on Calvary, I know You were willing to suffer the pain and scorn the shame for the eternal glory and love for us. Thank you Jesus, I praise you God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, in Jesus' mighty name I pray, Amen.

Looking Back

Today is the first day of my trial exams. I feel really satisfied when I wrote the English essay as I had written quite some examples like Edison, President Obama and Bruno Mars. Its a wonderful feeling to have a lot of general knowledge at hand(especially if you know more than others XD). haha, mean.

Its been a long time since I felt so happy doing school work though it is an exam. Looking back I really struggled along the way. It felt so meaningless when I first started the sem because I had been tired of studying and chasing homeworks since Form 5 and now in Form Six, the scenario repeats itself. Plus, all the teachers kept emphasizing that Form 6 is so difficult, and you practically cant play at all during school days. Sure I knew that they meant for us to choose the best path and be mentally prepared for the hard times in Form Six, but hearing those comments a few times might really drain your enthusiasm. It was a soul-searching time for me to know why on earth am I here, going through this while my friends are enjoying barbeque and assignments somewhere across the seas. To get things right with God, and to really focus on what is important to me, whether it is to pass the exam so I can enter uni, or to gain more knowledge and experience or anything else. Sometimes I'd rather just sit there and do nothing but just think even though a pile of homework is waiting for me. The sense of escapism is really strong.

Then God told me that I was where I was, that is in Form Six, because He chose me to walk that path. So, walk I will with Him. Really, I couldn't have done it without Him. Please be with me in my exams tomorrow and onwards too!

Jumble Thoughts

I hope I would always remember the feeling on my first Paris trip. Its so beautiful that Im afraid of forgetting it.

Thank God I feel that homeworks aren't that undesirable since I skyped with Joyce. Im getting better now. I feel that that part of me is healing slowly. Form 6 would be good. Amen.

STRESSED IN JULY ALREADY

i was feeling terribly stressed this month because of all the piling homework. i was telling myself, when i become a bio teacher(if), i would NEVER ask my students to do notes. NEVER. I did my notes all through form 5, struggling very hard, and i never read any of them except those which the teacher gave us. I remember the times i cried on Joyce's shoulder in class because i couldnt take the stress myself. Now its starting all over again in form 6. thank God, He gave me so many understanding and funny classmates so i wont feel so terrible. i feel relieved after sharing with them. i also shared with fifth aunty and she was so encouraging, saying that STPM IS WHAT REALLY MATTERS. PRAISE GOD!

Decide Once and For All

When you love conditionally, you have to keep deciding if the other is worthy of your love. You can never let go of your guard enough to be content. Why not decide once and for all, and love once and for all. And be content.

i saw this and i was touched. Today. God, help me to love and help me to not hate  doing Biology notes. May Your heart beat within me today... 

I am who God says I am. Not whom others say/think I am. A very important truth to hold on to because everyone is already critisizing you, you don't wanna join them and criticize yourself to. God looks upon you in adoration just the way you are even if you don't live up to other people's 'ideas' and 'standards' of who you should be. So shake all of that off, and let yourself only be defined by how God sees you and what He thinks of you. He sees strength when others see weakness. He sees potential when others see failure. He looks at all you are, and He says my child I am well pleased with you, and I will bring my good work in you unto completion. Imagine that, unconditonal acceptance and love and kindness and grace, because of who you are, exactly the way you are, not because of what you do. He told me once, 'I love you for who you are and I will never ever leave you'. I know I can find who I am in the arms of my Father.

from ICCH's blog

Love Yourself

"Love your neighbours as yourselves."

Hmmm... I have read this verse a lot of times in the past. That's what Jesus wants us to do, love others right? But I have always remembered this command as to love other people only, and nothing else.Yet one day, I believe the Holy Spirit lead me to read it carefully again.

"Love your neighbours AS YOURSELVES."

Wait, that means that I should love others as much as I love myself right? So, in the first place, I must take care of myself, appreciate myself, enjoy myself and love myself before I could pour out love for others. If I cannot be comfortable when I am alone, loving the way I look, speak and think, I cannot expect others to enjoy being around me, and what's more to be loved by me.

Let God love you first, and let Him overwhelm you by His love without any effort of your own, and you will be so sure that He is perfectly capable of  filling and amazing whoever He sent you to love, and you won't be so afraid of stepping out to reach out then. Don't be like a dry river trying desperately to squeeze out water for others, let the rain fall and all the surrounding plants will dance in joy too. <3

The Vietnam Trip

My family and I went to Vietnam last Chinese New Year holiday and praise God for that awesome trip!

I had totally no expectations for this trip because I didn't really know much about Vietnam and hence I felt uninterested. But the trip turned out to be really special as the people there have a really different kind of culture and we met some really sincere and helpful people. :)

Upon reaching the airport in Hanoi, my first impression wasn't terrific honestly. It was colder than I expected and the sky is cloudy and quite dusty...yeah. The first thing we did is to go on the hotel's van to go to our hotel. To our great surprise, both the receptionists came out to welcome us warmly saying, " Welcome to our hotel!" while the two bell boys helped us with our bags. The lobby was small, merely a room but it felt so warm and pleasant with our "hosts" being so so welcoming. The receptionists were very informative and gave us advises on where we ought to go when, and offered to help us buy the Water Puppet Theater tickets for us.

I thought their warmth will wear out with time and with new customers but it didn't. They were ever ready to help us and I realised that they hardly say no to our requests! They told us which were the reliable taxis, what is the standard price for trishaws, what was in the city tour programmee, taught me how to call to my parents for free who were staying in another hotel for the first night, helped us to buy spring roll skin, helped us to buy tickets, helped us to take away our breakfast and chit chatted with us. Whoa, they were so efficient and helpful and automatic that we were all touched.

The bell boys there were nice and humble and handsome! Though they couldn't speak English, but they tried their best to help us with one English word here and there with a lot of gestures while communicating with us. I thought they had shifts like maybe they work daytime but after a day, I realised that they were there all the time like 24 hours. I was like " whaattt?"  and then the receptionists say that the bell boys have holidays and the two of them had already had their holidays so they are working 24 hours now. I really wonder how they can still be so energetic and helpful without many signs of tiredness, and do they even bathe? hahaha, anyway, the 3 days were were there, they were there all the time.

I felt that the hotel people were really humble and were all working together for the benefit of the hotel, like the hotel was theirs and they really put their heart into serving the customers. It didn't matter which job was whose, when they saw a need, they just try to help where they can. For example, the bell boys. When they weren't at the hotel doors, they would be out buying tickets or doing housekeeping with the housekeepers or waiting on tables in the hotel cafe or preparing breakfast for us. Same thing with the receptionists. When the bellboys are elsewhere when we returned to the hotel, he or she will come to open the door for us and helped my grandmas up the stairs. How do I put their great attitude into words, I mean, their WILLINGNESS to help us really overwhelmed me. Really, we should learn from them!

One thing about Vietnam is that they hardly have open-air coffee shops like in Malaysia and what hawkers do is they put all their cooked food, stools, chopsticks, boards and other stuffs in two big baskets and they carry them by using a long, sturdy, wooden stick over their shoulders. Then they sit down in the corner or at the side some busy street and started overturning stools and placing boards on them. That became a table. Then they just start selling food by the roadside like that, so simple! And they washed the bowls and chopsticks just right there by the road where there are water and hose.

I had really good impression on one of the bell boys because he was so friendly, humble and good-looking....UNTIL  I saw him smoking one night with his friend. Suddenly, I just feel so disappointed and sad you know that such a nice guy like him actually smoked! I really hope that he would kick off the bad habit because its not really beneficial to himself too.

One thing that saddened my heart and filled my heart with compassion is that in that 3 days, I only saw one church wherever I go. There were altars of idols in practically every shop and home. There are so many people yet to be saved there! Its like a whole wide field of harvest waiting to be reaped. To think that all the nice and friendly people whom I met had not known the Saviour yet really devastated me. I did thought of coming for mission trips here but I am so shy and cowardly at the moment I really need someone like a group to go with then maybe I can consider. In my little mind, the land is so big, people so numerous, where and how can I start? But I believe if its the Lord's will, He will work in his own special way and prompt me to go because the Lord loves human, and desires that none shall perish but all have everlasting life. :)

Before I left, I felt the Holy Spirit prompting me to give my bible to the hotel receptionists. Its a dear old blue bible my mum passed down to me, with lots of colorful underlines under certain verses and with some drawings at the back. I really precious it though its quite worn-out already. I really desire to give to them because it could be the first seed that drop in their hearts that will be watered in His good time, and one day bloom into a strong tree rooted in Christ's love. It wasn't really our Bible in the first place as my mum got it from the church. So its a sort of passing on God's word to them, hoping and hoping and believing that God can and will work through it in His unfolding amazing plans and ways. I had always been shy to do these and I believe God knows so He prepared me for that simple act of faith. Thank God He isn't impatient with me as I really struggle a whole lot at first thinking "what if they think me weird after that?", "what if they refuse?" and things like that. It really burdens me as I really need courage to do that. Suddenly I felt that I should read the devotional "Streams in the Desert" because I think God wants me to. And I felt willing to read it in my heart ( I don't always feel willing to do stuffs when I "felt" that its God wanting me do it ) and it just feels natural to do it so I read it. The verse of the day was " Fret not. " and I thank my awesome God for that. So I learnt to be still and just rest in God, don't keep thinking about how hard its going to be and I feel a lot more peaceful. =) In that period of struggling time( its was for about one whole day I struggled in my heart ), I also heard the song " I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz when I was in the "throne room" of a shopping complex pooping. The lyrics " to win some or learn some" spoke to me. This act of giving the bible seems hard when I enlarged it but as I see it as just an ACT of faith, its really just a small part of my learning process in God. If the hotel receptionist accepts the bible, then some souls are gonna to be won in time, if he rejects, then I'm gonna to learn something new too. So its a win-win situation, why be afraid?

When I finally gave the bible to the hotel receptionist, he accepted it gracefully and was all smiles. But I don't know what's he thinking underneath the smiles and thank-you's but that's probably God's business already. Praise God for He is such an awesomely faithful God who gives us chances again and again in helps us in the tiniest task we can't handle. Thank you Jesus I love you! <3

So there, it was a wonderful trip in Hanoi with my family all touched by the hotel people. Sorry God sometimes we forgot or were to tired to spend time with you in the trip but thank you we have the privilege to talk to you always and keep having that relationship with you though we are inconsistent sometimes. Please help us to be bold for you and learn to walk faithfully with you everyday of our lives. Thanks for the awesome trip too. Amen

"What does God ask of you but to do justly, love mercy and walk humbly with your God."

Blessed be Your name.

Ready Hearts

An aunty in church once shared with me that when our hearts were ready, then God will surprise us with things that we didn't expect. I sorta understand then(well i thought i really did, as i always do) but until I really experience that READINESS of heart and suddenly receiving such a PLEASANT surprise from God, it really blows my heart away and I just know that it really is God :)

I grew up loving English language. Maybe it was because we attended English churches since I was young or maybe because my dad was really good at English. I remembered those dreams when I was small like " I will  go to other countries like the UK to study when I grow up, " and " I will want to marry some whitie someday." Those thoughts were so definite to me in my little mind and I thought it wouldn't be hard to achieve and I dreamt those dreams with my pure innocence. Oh, those were the days! hahaha..

When God started changing me little by little, I realised that life was not really about me. Its about Him and His purposes for my life. I realised that we needed money to go far to study. So I thought maybe after I marry we can go to those places i wanted to go for honeymoon. But my reality check tells me that I might not marry somebody so rich. Well this world isn't perfect, things don't always go our way. God comforts us that His ways are higher than our ways, though sometimes we don't really see it right before us. After some years, I was talking to myself in the bathroom one day, and I told myself that actually foreign countries like the UK are just another part of the world, like Malaysia is. I may not be able to travel to all countries in this world so perhaps the other part of the world that I wanted to go since I was young isn't meant for me. At that moment, I felt rest in my heart, its like a mild, sweet and sure rest deep down in your heart. I think its called contentment. ;)

In the same year in March, my mom proposed that we go to Switzerland for holiday because she's never been there and that we should go while they are still working. I still remember that it was during our family prayer time she just said that thoughtlessly ( i think). Anyway, i thought that it was just a passing daydream. But God was so amazing. My dad thought serious of that and looked up for tours. We prayed about it and asked if its God's will. By June, dad booked the tour and it was such a good deal! It was very very reasonable in terms of price and the places we were going to go and I could hardly believe it when my dad broke the news... WE ARE GOING TO PARISS!!! praise the Lord!=)=)=)=)=)=)=)

I asked God if it was really His will and I waited for his answer for some time and He said yes but its gonna be a bit hard. Who cares if God is so good to bring me there and give me something i wanted so much especiallly after I sort of let that go already, He really blessses us with our heart's desire and he's gonna to go with me and help me overcome the "hard part" so there, thank God  he really wants ready hearts to bless!! :)

Experiences

Do you ever feel like hearing God asking you to do something? Some may be easy one, some may be hard ones. Some tasks you don't get confirmation from God and you wonder if its God or not at all, but some God gives the confirmation and you find your heart is ready to obey what once was too much for you. Here goes, 2 tasks, one unfulfilled, one fulfilled :

1) It was some time last year 2012, i started accompanying my grandma to a Mandarin Methodist church. One Sunday, we found ourselves sitting behind a small, pleasant-looking old lady. During the service, more than once she coughed or made a snorting noise very loudly.(she looks like she could not help it) So, i reckon that she is having some long-time illness like flu or something. I THINK God is asking me to pray for her though I feel like it wasn't really clear. Then, the pastor preached a sermon on something like "Just Do It For God" and I was like "whoaaa.....". Yet, after the service after I prayed with my grandma, she was already getting out of her bench in front of us. I was just to shy to go to her and say can I pray for you, you know, what I was thinking was there are so many watching eyes here, owww, this isn't a charasmatic church you know, and she might just be having a few cough that's all. And there she goes, and I went home feeling so guilty, yet I told the Lord honestly that even if He give me another chance to pray for her in that situation, I have a feeling that I will fail again. When I told my mom, she said just try next time God tells you, and see what will her response be. It sounded like a good idea, but I just feel that I'm gonna chicken out again. Week  after week, I try to muster up my courage to pray for her and once I asked God to let her sit beside me, maybe we could talk first and that will be less awkward, and lo behold, she chose to sit beside us that week, but I managed a few smiles and a few words only, so.... I'm so sorry God. There was once I managed to pat her on her back and say " God heals you " in the middle of a crowd and then hurry off again. But I'm not sure if she heard it in all that noise or not. I kept thinking about this and felt tremendously guilty and down sometimes, I mean, Jesus DIED for me, and I couldn't even pray for a sister? Oh, this went on for about half a year and last week I asked God for courage and for her to sit beside me again. I was quite determined to get it done. I also say to God that if she doesn't sit beside me this time, I hope it means that I can be free from this bondage. And so she was in the choir, so she didn't sit beside me. After the service, I joined my own church service and we sang the song" Ini hari pembebasan, ini hari pembebasan!" And I feel so free and relieved as I believe God is setting me free!  Yay, praise God!

2) After I knew God more, I feel that God wants me to give up pirated CDs. I knew its going to be hard but I prayed to God for strength. It was hard at first when my family was watching a very nice movie called" Three Idiots" and I felt strongly that I shouldn't so I pulled myself from that room. But slowly its okay. I just watched less movies and avoid PPS or watching CDs( as most CDs we have are pirated ones) and watched astro instead, which is very entertaining too. Through all these I dont feel the stress as I felt in number 1) task. It was a gradual and willing change I would say. Though there were many times I asked God " Are You sure this is for me? I will miss out a lot of fun you know." But God was gentle and changed my heart. though almost everyone around me watch pirateds. And it was December 2012 when I signed up for piano lessons and the teacher wanted to audition me. So i went with my former photostated music books. After I played the songs and some conversation, he asked me why was my books photostated and went on to say that it is illegal to do so. "In the Christian point of view, this is called stealing. You are stealing other people's copyright." he said. I was ashamed, but at the same time I was glad that someone actually agreed on this really. And so I believed that God is confirming to me through this man that its good to give up pirated CDs. Yay Praise the Lord!

If God give us blessings as in money, me thinks, we should use it rightly for God. Thank you God for bearing with me in my weaknesses, guiding me in the pace i can take. I really appreciated that Lord. Love from faery, in Jesus' name! Amen.