Such kindness warms my heart.

Mr. Afizal from MyBrainSc scholarship is so kind! I called up to ask about some money issues, and he actually cared to ask me how I was doing in my studies! Such kindness warms my heart.

每次看“小幸运”的戏剧MV都会有一种high的感觉。
我才明白有些人为什么总要一直high下去。



但愿在我看不到的天际，你张开了双翼

Humour

That day i saw a black crow.

I told God :"God i scared. All black like unlucky like that... nevermind, we not superstitious.."

Later that day, a white bird(raven/pigeon?) landed a few inches away from my feet while i was walking.

I smiled.

Haha. Very funny God.

Easy

No one said it will be easy. But no one said it will be this hard.

Two words broke my heart-- "FINAL EPISODE"

Honestly, it had been such a good ride. The drama was funny, though boring at some times, I nearly cried and laughed a lot. <THE  Producers> thank you God for letting me watch this on KBS, it has been my highlight for a few weeks (its only 12 Episodes), especially kept me going when I felt real unhappy about teaching..

It got me interested in a poem, I believe, the most interested I had been in my life? Haha
It's called "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost. It was recited in Korean in the drama. Deep.

The epilogue touched me. I clumsily re-typed some:

"I don't know when would this show end, today or tomorrow. That nervous feeling makes me afraid, I think of it every night. I would just try my best today, if its too much for me, I would turn back. It's the same for tomorrow, I would try hard, if I cant take it, I would run away. By living in the present like this, the season pass so quickly, you don't realise it. For some, hate turns to love, for others, they reconsider their present state and work hard to protect what they have been holding onto, or some, they start a new beginning. One season passes, I try not to forget the beginning. It feels like its so long ago, my beginning here. Then, self-esteem was unreachable to me, yet I hung on in order to reach this day. Now, I am in danger of losing myself. That's why I try not to forget how I started. I also try not to forget, it was because of her, that in this season I was so happy."

I had started teaching in a high school. I didn't enjoy it that much. All I could think of was how to control these kids. But I felt, after watching this, maybe I need to get back that blur  but beautiful, safe anticipation and vision of the world through a student's eyes. It was pretty narrow a vision and I'm not certain at all it will make teaching easier for me or more enjoyable. But, that was a beginning for me. My beginning. And I don't want to forget that.

I asked God some about this when I started watching. I was afraid I'd be addicted and displease Him. He just told me, it's just a drama, so take it as it is. I think, He didn't want me to get to engrossed that it becomes a vital part of my life, that when it ends, as all good movies do, I get disorientated and lost emotionally. 

Now, the drama ended. All I feel is contentment from watching a very nice and philosophical drama. And I think I did it, I did what He wanted. I'm so thankful for that reminder.

I was always unsure of what He thinks. But I would muster up my faith to believe He's happy with me. Right now. 

The Road Not Taken-Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Happy, Movie

God made me really happy today. I don't know when was the last time I consciously felt this.
Today was my offday, or rather, yesterday, and that is the first time this week I get to watch "My Love from the Star". I was hoping it hadn't finish airing. It was the last episode! So delighted that I get to watch the end of this drama. Extremely happy. Thank God.

I also watch "Meet Joe Black" which is a movie about Death taking an old man, Bill, away. There were love, sacrifices, kisses and goodbyes. It was quite sad but it brings a lot of silent realisation and wisdom. The Preacher said in Ecclesiastes that more wisdom was found in the house of mourning than the house of mirth. I found it very true. The movie ended with the song "Somewhere Over the Rainbow".

In short, thanks to God, I prepared well for my interview today and passed it, plus watched a lot of movies and ate the food I liked. It was a good day. I was happy. I just wanted to remember that.


Someday I'll wish upon a star
Wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where trouble melts like lemon drops
High above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me

Italy

Raining. Listening to Misty Edwards' "Arms Wide Open''.
Browsing through scholarship offers. Saw Italy. Masters Programme.

Night. In a high building. Condominium. Drinking some drink. Sitting on the couch.Yellow lights in the room. Suite room. Large window. Down there, busy traffic and shimmering glows in the city below.

I am in Italy. Alone. In my dream.

The imagination is so vivid, complete with the feels.
Sometimes, I secretly hope to make such a trip. Alone. In the taxi, in the plane, in a foreign place.

But there is so much fear. Fear of danger, fear of loneliness, fear of loving that life too much, fear of discovering it is not as beautiful as it seemed, fear that it will wreck my hope. For who can live without hope.