读书

读书就像
倒沸水进热水壶
团团蒸汽冒出来
我看不到底
可是倒着倒着
就满了

而且还满过头

-

I have so much rage, unsatisfaction, worry and envy in my heart. I can't bear seeing people do well when I don't. I did badly last exam. And I was terribly upset, I turned to people for consolation. My mom asked me to work harder next time. My friend too, she asked me to work harder. Did I not work hard? Now when I look at people, my unsatisfaction involuntarily cry spitefully: "I worked so much harder than all of you. You have absolutely no idea." Part of me just wants to show them. Next time, when I do well

This is crushing me

and I feel my negativity spreading, people are distancing themselves from me.

What do I do

Sad State of the Mind

My mind is really upset now. I can think of several reasons why it is feeling this way. I wish they didn't have such a great impact on me but they do. They are:

1) I don't know where to go for Easter holidays. I spoke too quickly to say I want to travel together with people. Now I feel stressed I need to search for places and countries to go. I suddenly felt like travelling with just one or two friends.

2) My dissertation isn't at a super productive pace now.

3) I just said out loud we shouldn't ask many people to go for karaoke because then we wouldn't have enough chances to sing. Now I regret for saying that even though I still do think it is very true. It just didn't feel like a foolproof thing to say.

I feel super heavy. People have other best friends too. I feel like nobody will ever know me well. Or want to do that. Is this how lonely life is supposed to be?

I hope not.

Of Fairies and Mermaids

[Frisbee Fairies: Played for Manchester Malaysian Games. It was my unspoken desire to do this, but it was just a passing thought as I know I wasn't good at all. But these guys formed a last-minute team and they were so encouraging, passionate and funny till the end. It was so awesome that I have a God that hears my heart and surrounds me with people who help me achieve more than I can.]

[Close up of each Fairy: Do you see their wings? ]

If someone is walking in front of you really slowly, please don't get angry and be mean in your brain.
This is because that person:

1) Might have had achings from a full day of frisbee the day before, running, sprinting and jumping for 5 plus hours.
2) Might be a mermaid that just got on land and is still getting used to walking.

Ref:
1) Frisbee Fairies
2) Legend of the Blue Sea