Happy...?

I have come. Here am I.

But silence replies me, echoing the empty wooden room.

I have come after checking my degree results. I have come with tears in bitterness in my heart, I have fallen short. I searched in my heart, catalogues of people, acquaintances and friends, there is no one I can tell my true feelings to and take it well. This result is a shocking blow to me, though I had expected it, I can still hardly accept it. Looking at the list of marks, I saw this assignment which I could have done better, and that low mark for the paper which I thought I did really well for.

Ashamed, shame and awfulness fills the heart. Can this result be hidden? How can the bearer of such numbers face people when she has hoped for and experienced so much more. She thought she had tried her best, but maybe not. She franctically tries to go down the memory lane, to search out when and where it all went wrong. But nothing comes out.

The invisible wall

It is like a drawing a horizontal straight line, and at some point it dips downwards, forming a bulb and you come up again, on par with the level of the line drawn previously, almost touching the starting point of the indentation. And you draw straight across horizontally again, as if nothing has ever happened.

So it forms. A line, a bulb with a very narrow opening, and the line going straight on.

It is like a heart, the depth of the heart of someone intensely private. The forced smile, the unreplied message, the way she couldn't hold your gaze for more than 5 secs even though you thought you guys were having a good time talking about that party last week. You want to get close, but do not know how, and on the other hand, you are not that committed as to knock the fourth time. 

How do I know what is inside the bulb? I cannot force my massive hand through that purposefully small hole. 

The bulb whispered, "Pour, pour into me, fill me up, and the water will swirl with my essence and bring my sweetness to you as it overflows". It also said apologetically, "If the opening was bigger, people might think I was flat ground and walk over me. Is it too much to ask?"