help needed

i strongly dislike it when he has a smug smile on his face because he knows more than we siblings do (but he doesn't do that when he talks to S). i realize i outright stop paying attention or turn cool and cordial when he goes at it, to stop me from being nasty. even if you have more knowledge than someone else on a certain subject, it doesn't give you the right to make others feel small or think that their lesser knowledge is less important than yours. i think when you are trying to prove someone wrong more than trying to teach them new things, there is a problem. when you are emphasizing 'i know it all' but also saying 'i can't teach you now because it has been so long since i researched it, study it yourself', you're not trying to teach or even argue with the right knowledge, you are just trying to remind the other person that you know more and that they should try to reach your level before talking to you.  the responsibility or right attitude of someone who knows more (and wants to teach) is to leave the person with the thought that it is a wonderful thing to increase in knowledge and that he/she can actually do it too (imo, correct me if i am wrong). people listening shouldn't be afraid to ask a question because the person teaching might think he/she is stupid.

coming back, i found myself trying to fix him of this problem. because during university, i identified a few traits in people which turn me off and i generally try not to associate with them because they think they know it all. i wouldn't fight with them to say they are wrong because they are just acquaintances, i can't be bothered with trying to fix them, they will have to figure it out themselves why people scoot out of the way when they are strongly voicing their opinions. but he is my family, if i don't tell him, who will? i want the best for him and for people to like him, and that he has many friends which are true and speak the truth in love to him. seeing people lowering their eyes and softening their tone because he is clearly more interested in voicing his opinions rather than considering what they say (though and even if what he said may very well be right) makes me mad because in that moment, he seems like a downright bully, and it is not what a bigger person should do.

but i love him. i don't want him to be hurt now or in the future when he is old, because of the things we could have told him but never did. i realize i am full of flaws too and when i am impatient, i hurt him with my coolness more than i need to. but i don;t know how to balance this talking respectfully while helping him to realize he needs to humble himself, this speaking the truth in love effectively so that it doesn't drag on too long, that both of us become tired and our relationship strained.

until then

when we were younger, don't we always dread the time far away, when our loved one is incapable of moving, and we are bound to care for them? most children turn their mind-eyes away and try not to think about how they could avoid the situation. but i belong to the kind that cannot allow the coward in my heart to grow, i open my eyes and writhe with fear until i accustom to the reality.

until the day i stood behind kakak who was wiping my bedridden grandma's poo, and then stepped up to help change grandma into new diapers after applying medicine to her pressure sores. until then, i realise the smell ain't so bad, the sight of my naked grandma ain't so scary after the first few times. the difficult part was looking into grandma's eyes after dressing her, seeing her look away or close her eyes because of shame/embarrassment(? only God knows), smiling with my widest smile and telling her it is okay when you know a million things isn't. seeing her clutch to her clothes because she didn't want her grandchildren doing for her what she could have done herself when she was better was agonizing.

and with a whiff it is all over, and we are quickly left with memories and grandma dancing in and our of our minds.

it would have been easy to crumble with the shaking, but not when you fall back into hope.