Experiences

Do you ever feel like hearing God asking you to do something? Some may be easy one, some may be hard ones. Some tasks you don't get confirmation from God and you wonder if its God or not at all, but some God gives the confirmation and you find your heart is ready to obey what once was too much for you. Here goes, 2 tasks, one unfulfilled, one fulfilled :

1) It was some time last year 2012, i started accompanying my grandma to a Mandarin Methodist church. One Sunday, we found ourselves sitting behind a small, pleasant-looking old lady. During the service, more than once she coughed or made a snorting noise very loudly.(she looks like she could not help it) So, i reckon that she is having some long-time illness like flu or something. I THINK God is asking me to pray for her though I feel like it wasn't really clear. Then, the pastor preached a sermon on something like "Just Do It For God" and I was like "whoaaa.....". Yet, after the service after I prayed with my grandma, she was already getting out of her bench in front of us. I was just to shy to go to her and say can I pray for you, you know, what I was thinking was there are so many watching eyes here, owww, this isn't a charasmatic church you know, and she might just be having a few cough that's all. And there she goes, and I went home feeling so guilty, yet I told the Lord honestly that even if He give me another chance to pray for her in that situation, I have a feeling that I will fail again. When I told my mom, she said just try next time God tells you, and see what will her response be. It sounded like a good idea, but I just feel that I'm gonna chicken out again. Week  after week, I try to muster up my courage to pray for her and once I asked God to let her sit beside me, maybe we could talk first and that will be less awkward, and lo behold, she chose to sit beside us that week, but I managed a few smiles and a few words only, so.... I'm so sorry God. There was once I managed to pat her on her back and say " God heals you " in the middle of a crowd and then hurry off again. But I'm not sure if she heard it in all that noise or not. I kept thinking about this and felt tremendously guilty and down sometimes, I mean, Jesus DIED for me, and I couldn't even pray for a sister? Oh, this went on for about half a year and last week I asked God for courage and for her to sit beside me again. I was quite determined to get it done. I also say to God that if she doesn't sit beside me this time, I hope it means that I can be free from this bondage. And so she was in the choir, so she didn't sit beside me. After the service, I joined my own church service and we sang the song" Ini hari pembebasan, ini hari pembebasan!" And I feel so free and relieved as I believe God is setting me free!  Yay, praise God!

2) After I knew God more, I feel that God wants me to give up pirated CDs. I knew its going to be hard but I prayed to God for strength. It was hard at first when my family was watching a very nice movie called" Three Idiots" and I felt strongly that I shouldn't so I pulled myself from that room. But slowly its okay. I just watched less movies and avoid PPS or watching CDs( as most CDs we have are pirated ones) and watched astro instead, which is very entertaining too. Through all these I dont feel the stress as I felt in number 1) task. It was a gradual and willing change I would say. Though there were many times I asked God " Are You sure this is for me? I will miss out a lot of fun you know." But God was gentle and changed my heart. though almost everyone around me watch pirateds. And it was December 2012 when I signed up for piano lessons and the teacher wanted to audition me. So i went with my former photostated music books. After I played the songs and some conversation, he asked me why was my books photostated and went on to say that it is illegal to do so. "In the Christian point of view, this is called stealing. You are stealing other people's copyright." he said. I was ashamed, but at the same time I was glad that someone actually agreed on this really. And so I believed that God is confirming to me through this man that its good to give up pirated CDs. Yay Praise the Lord!

If God give us blessings as in money, me thinks, we should use it rightly for God. Thank you God for bearing with me in my weaknesses, guiding me in the pace i can take. I really appreciated that Lord. Love from faery, in Jesus' name! Amen.